This is an undelivered inspirational talk. I was supposed to deliver this in my cousins’ wedding but I begged off at the last-minute.
Marriage is not a bed of roses. It is complicated and a rough journey.
It is complicated because you have to adjust to a whole new situation. It is no longer about you alone. You could no longer enjoy the freedom of a single male or female. It is a whole new world.
It is a rough journey because as a couple you will have disagreements on the most simple and basic things. Things you never thought could be a source of conflict. Every day is a struggle to keep the marriage.
I’ve been married for almost 9 years now. It would be hypocritical if I will say that my marriage is perfect. However, there are two (2) things that I believe keeps the marriage bond, namely: love and respect.
When I say love, I am not merely talking about love for your wife or husband – partner. I am talking about a greater kind of love – love of family. If love is limited to “love of partner”, this is dangerous in the long run. This kind may result in jealousy and will eventually end any marriage at a snap.
However, “love of family” is greater. It is about not thinking of your individual “gusto” but that of family. It is about subordinating some of your freedom as an individual. It is about working hard to provide for the family.
I was never a believer of people who would advice new couples to just look at each other and not look at other male or female. This is simply impossible. This is an old rule when couples were still plowing their farms and rely solely for subsistence from their produce. This will not apply now. How would a couple earn a living with this kind of mindset?
We need to socialize in order to earn a living. We need to socialize in order to get a job. We need to socialize in order to be promoted. Now is the age of technology and no longer of the plow.
Each couple must learn to respect each others individuality.
Subordinating some freedom means you have to enjoy also as an individual. This is quite complicated. What I am trying to say is that, as an individual there are still things that we like to enjoy and relax. But this enjoyment is limited such that it will not destroy the family.
A simple example is drinking with friends sometimes. Or having a good laugh with relatives sometimes. Or visiting friends sometimes. Notice the word “sometimes” because you still have a greater responsibility with your family.
In closing, I believe that with these two ingredients, all others will follow.